Other People's Food

Thanks to my wonderful circle of friends, my family is eating food that they have prepared for us to help us get through the busy days of appointments and surgeries and the recovery time.  Today a new friend brought by stroganoff, which I have never had or made before.  My son is slightly picky, so I thought for sure he would take one look and refuse it, causing issues I didn't want to deal with.  BUT, I opened the pan, and Guy got all excited and said, "It's just like Hamburger Helper!!!" and then he proceeded to chow down on 2 servings!!!  This was very exciting for me because Guy was eating and deemed Stacey's Stroganoff equal to his expectations of Hambuger Helper-Quality food.  It was also very sad for me because I let him buy Hambuger Helper ONCE in the store several years ago, and the darn kid STILL remembers that junk food!!!! 

I also discovered that I like Stroganoff a lot!!!!  But I do NOT like Hamburger Helper!!!

Posture

I guess I should have mentioned that I look like Lurch, Jr. when I walk around.  My neck is bent down and I can't lift my head, and my armpits and chest hurts a lot so I am hunched forward as well.  I am a Lurch Dwarf, or maybe a Lurch Munchkin, since my voice is all wobbly and strange.  Definitely a Lurch in some form, though.

OWWWW!

I hate thinking of titles for these things.  It's not fair to need a title for a paragraph! 

So, hospital yesterday morning, (don't read the next sentence if you are grossed out easily) and they injected nuclear dye into my nipples.  It did not hurt nearly as much as I thought it would, but it really hurts now.  Then they made me walk up and down the hall to get my body to push it out into my lymph nodes, and then I went and lied in pre op for 4 hours, eventually getting a little impatient.  I finally went in around 2 for surgery, and they took out the sentinel lymph nodes under my arms to see if the cancer has spread.  They also removed half of my thyroid, which had a tumor the size of Utah (6 centimeters long!!) and I am really happy about that being gone.  The doctor doesn't think that will be cancerous, but they did find irregular cells in one lymph node and we will find out more about that next week.

Shared my room with a woman who is 41 and had a bilateral mastectomy, and between the two of us, the nurses were coming in the room all night and wondering why we weren't sleeping.  I finally figured out in my stupor how to turn off the light and turn down the TV volume around 2am.  I got out of jail and slept much of today at home, and am in pain but it's nothing compared to the next operation's recovery.  That one's going to suck big time. 

So, I am home, my voice is weak, and I can't lift anything over 5 pounds for a week, over 15 pounds for a month, and I can't vacuum or do any motion like that for about 6 weeks.  YAY!  There's always a silver lining. 

Time for bed!

It's already begun...

Kristi is invading my brain with inappropriate things right before I am to be put on the goofy drugs before they put me to sleep. That's when I say stupid things. Kristi just called me to let me know her husband discovered that hospitals do provide alcoholic beverages when prescribed by the doctor. Now, it's bad enough that I say stupid things before a surgeon sticks a knife in me, but to ask for a Mai Tai is going to be humiliating. Of course, this led to my telling Kristi what I told the doctor when I got an endoscopy and colonoscopy years ago. All drugged up, the doctor tells me she is going to do the endoscopy (you are not quite asleep and not quite awake) and I told the doctor in no uncertain terms "I don't want it in my mouth, stick it in my butt first", to which the doctor replied, "No, we always do the endoscopy first" and I once again insisted I wanted it in the butt first. Thankfully I fell asleep at that point (as far as I know) and woke up saying loudly (I am always loud when on these drugs) "Hey, did you stick it in my butt yet? I don't feel it in there" and my MOM sharply said "Mary! SHUT UP! It's all done!" Then I came to my senses, as always when mom is hugely embarassed, and asked for some food.

Now that all this alcohol and Mai Tai's and tubes in the butt are in my head, I will sleep on it and go in to the hospital tomorrow and make a complete idiot of myself. Unfortunately, I cannot move across the country again as I did after the endoscopy and colonoscopy. So my surgeon will have a hard time looking me in the eye after tomorrow. I pity her.

Operation Daze

Finally, something inspiring enough to make me come back to my old blog that hasn't been touched in ages. It was the thought that my friend Kristi wanted me to sign up for CaringBridge.org to keep my friends and family updated on my health due to my body's seemingly amazing ability to sneak cancer cells into everything my surgeon touches.

Caring Bridge is a very nice site, I checked it out and nearly signed up. They had cupcakes for a page design, and I thought that would be fun since my day camp name is Cupcake. I first took the name Cupcake in High School when Mr. Umstader told us to write down our names and what we would like him to call us on the seating chart. He choked on his coffee when he came to my name, and every once in a while, usually when I was being difficult, he would call me Cupcake and make me laugh. He was my Chemistry teacher, so I was probably difficult a lot in that class.

So, finally I rejected Caring Bridge for two reasons. One is that I have this site and why sign up for another one? The other, more sinister reason is that Caring Bridge offers a book option, so you can buy your postings in book form. I am thinking, why the Hell do I want a book about me getting biopsies and operations and Lord knows what else? Is this supposed to be some wonderful memory for me? I am hoping life gets back to normal after this summer!! I may laugh my way through this, but I am not going to look back on it fondly one day if I can help it.

So, update on my body: Mammogram, biopsy, mammogram, lumpectomy, mammogram, MRI, sonogram, MRI biopsy, and now a scheduled thyroidectomy, sentinal lymph node removal under both arms, and soon a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. I probably missed a few mammograms in there, and I forgot to mention the metal chunk they left in me after the first biopsy that they attached a metal wire to before the lumpectomy, and I got to sit around with a metal wire sticking out of my chest until I got called in for surgery. I felt like a Transformer or the Terminator until the painkiller wore off. Then it was just annoying.

So, if you really, really want to know what's going on, feel free to follow me on this blog site, I will update it frequently, maybe even every day. Evidently some of you care about me since Kristi has a ton of volunteers making meals for the BIG operation of removal and rebuilding. I feel like a Bob the Builder project.

Thanks for caring, maybe you'll get over that by the time you actually get to know me!! ;^)

Love Mary

IFFY BIFFY

Went camping last weekend to a Girl Scout camp. Hmm, not sure I am allowed to use the term Girl Scout anymore, but what the heck.

We stayed at Hilltop, a pretty cool looking area overlooking the pond and having really heavy tents over wooden frames with wooden bunks and the ever-comfortable mattresses. So we leave a bit late for camp, Wags took off and John seemed to think running up the massive hill was better than driving. Then traffic. Then, dinner with Beth and Kelly's girls. Then Lynn missed the exit and Beth, Kelly and I sat in front of a gun store with the girls for 40 minutes until Lynn found us. Then Beth realized she forgot their chicken and we stopped at Safeway. We got to camp in the dark.

So Lynn and the girls drag our stuff to our big tent while I drag the ultra heavy stuff to the kitchen shelter. Little did I know I made the more physically challenging choice but the less mentally challenging one. SPIDERS. Big nasty spiders that don't die. Lynn is not freaked by anything, but she was skittish from killing endless spiders in our tent. None of us slept the first night.

At some point, had to use the bathroom. At this camp, mostly biffy's are the toilet. A biffy for those who do not know, is an outhouse. Peeee Yooouuuuu. usually it is not that bad, but last weekend, it was BAD. It was worse than BAD. It was killer gross.

I actually gagged and could not stay in the biffy long enough to pee. I ended up tying a bandanna around my face and then stuck my nose and mouth below my tshirt level so I would smell as little as possible. Then I decided on Saturday morning that deodorant was bad as I could kill more stench in the biffy by NOT using deodorant. There is something seriously wrong with that, but sometimes survival of the fittest leads you down very sad roads.

At any rate, I believe I used the biffy once or twice a day and no more. There was no explanation on why they smelled so bad, this was just a bad week that was warm enough to create an unthinkable stench.

So...now I am thinking we must go to River Ranch next encampment....they have flush toilets.
You can't beat that with a stick.

How to handle your finances, with some humor

I did not write this, but found it funny and very true. Read it and learn (and laugh)

Do what many of us already did so you can get what we already got.
Posted on September 8, 2009 by Uppity Woman
Ladies and gentlemen who go to work every day, I know you are out there even though there is a bit of an echo when you answer. I want you to know that you are all in luck!
I would like you to know that the President is going to make sure you know how to set up your retirement savings so that you can be comfortable when you are old. Now, the important thing to remember here is you should ignore all the people around you who lost decades worth of savings and are returning to work in their old age. Just remember: It didn’t happen and it won’t happen again, Okay? Good.
In his weekly address, the President has announced an initiative to help educate workers on how to best handle retirement savings.

My retirement savings
Funny, but I seem to recognize this initiative and what he would like you all to do. I believed it the last time this initiative was put in place. The problem is, my savings have been cut into a fraction by the Wall Street bust. In fact, my retirement 401k isn’t worth the powder to blow it up with. And I can’t tell you what a blast it is wondering if the FDIC is really going to insure what money I have left in my “safe” bank. After all, the fact that they are underfunded is just a dumb thing to worry about, right? I’m such a wuss! And a bad sport!
So you all be sure to do what I did, ya hear? That way by the time you hit your fifties, you will have forgotten what happened to the people before you and you too can sit there and watch Goldman Sachs, Wall Street fat cats and manipulators and the Fed reroute your life savings into their buckets. After all, we all know that whatever works well is always repeated. Carry on.
Here are the finer points of the initiative.
Expand opportunities for automatic enrollment in 401(k) and other retirement savings plans,
Make it easier for more than 100 million families to save a portion or all of their tax refunds,
Enable workers to convert their unused vacation or other similar leave into additional retirement savings, and
Help workers and their employers better understand the available options for tax-favored retirement saving through clear, easy-to-understand language.
Super!
Now let’s see, as I recall, millions of people have faithfully invested in their 401ks and other funds for decades, all of which are now in the crapper. As a matter of fact, some retirees have found themselves in poverty after having invested and saved for their future in all these handy-dandy funds for decades. And now, by popular demand, this new initiative will make it easier for the rest of you to get the same hot poker stuck up your asses when you get ready to retire. How cool is that? You can have the privilege of either returning to work in your 70s or losing your home. How cool is that? I love choices and I know you do too. I think this is a good plan.
Carry on.
I do have to give the President some credit though. He added a new opportunity to the old list.
Just think! In addition to saving as much of your earnings as you can for Goldman Sachs, you can also actually increase your savings by giving up all of your vacations. In fact, if you bust your ass and die in a hurry, your heirs can cash in your savings and go through them like shit through a goose, but at least they will get out of your plan before your Goldman Sachs retirement age. Plus the government gets to keep all the Social Security money you paid them, so that a couple of decades later when your wife goes to collect it, it’s not there. But don’t worry! There are lots of IOUs that Congress handed out every time they raided that pot! They promised to pay it back, right? Right?
So don’t forget to give up those vacations, while helping the department of labor pump up their productivity numbers. Wall Street will be most grateful and so will the Federal Reserve and the World Bank. After all, the more you save for them, the more money all those fat cats can steal from you when they cash in again and create the next bust just in time for your retirement. Don’t let the fact that they all know what’s coming and you don’t deter you though, okay?
Come on gang! You don’t need a vacation! The President doesn’t take vacations does he?
Warren Buffet, George Soros, and the rest of the biggies who control the market are going to take really good care of you in a couple of decades just like they took care of your parents and grandparents in the past year. Isn’t it funny how the worse things get for people who saved money, the richer people like this get? What a riot! An astounding coincidence! But they want you to know they care! That’s why they are Democrats. Republican thieves are rude. They stick it to you right in your face. They sneer at you and disdain your very existence. How rude. But Democratic thieves are nice about it and that’s what counts! Instead of telling you to get your old wrinkled retired ass back to work at Walmarts or someplace equally cool, they wait until you come to the realization that you are screwed all by yourself! It’s a much nicer screw job.
But hey, it’s all for a Greater Good, you know?
But don’t stop there. As inflation gets worse every day, you can still invest a lot of money by giving up silly things like food and heat. Come on. Be a sport. Wall Street needs you. There are hundreds of CEOs of gutted companies who are worrying where their next million is going to come from even as we speak. Trust me, you can trust them. And don’t forget to use that credit card too. That’s a big help.
The best part of this initiative is the President is going to make it as easy as possible for you to invest as much money as possible to help the next wave of fat cats who are heavily invested in your “future” rob you blind. Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if he believes in this initiative and its future profits so much that he, congress and all of their friends all invest in the companies who will be offering you savings plans. You know, the ones who take the administrative fees and things?
Together, these steps will expand the range of choices for workers who want to save and will make saving easier for millions of Americans.
Isn’t that nice? He really is such a good Republican Democrat.

Workers enjoying Green Jobs in Potato Field
Now get to work at your new green job that I swear will be available for you, like really really soon. honest. Wall Street CEOs, the Fed, Goldman, et al, and all of their friends are depending on you for their future gains. This past year has been so much fun for them, they don’t want to miss the opportunity to do it again later. Just remember: It’s all tax deferred too. I mean you just can’t beat a deal like that. Tax-deferred savings and you won’t even have to pay those taxes when you lose it all.
Remember now: Planning. It’s very important, you know. Just ask everyone you know who “Planned” their own retirements and got their last financial statements. It’s a blast! And it worked out so well this time, the President wants you to have the same opportunities to lose all of your money as the retirees and near-retirees who came before you had. Seems fair, right?
You should look for the many analysts on Government TV who will advise you of what a good deal this is going to be for you. Don’t forget to listen carefully, mmmmmkay? After all, that’s what the people who got bilked before you did. Me? I should have listened to my mother. She was a Depression baby and she knew shit when she saw it even when somebody tried to shine it. She was a serious businesswoman with common sense, and she didn’t die a pauper, not by a long shot. The philosophy was simple: Don’t Buy What You Can’t Pay For– Always Save But Do It With Brains and Sense— There Is No Such Thing As A Free Lunch — Don’t Let Helpers Help Themselves To Your Money — and What Goes Up Must Come Down.