Went camping last weekend to a Girl Scout camp. Hmm, not sure I am allowed to use the term Girl Scout anymore, but what the heck.
We stayed at Hilltop, a pretty cool looking area overlooking the pond and having really heavy tents over wooden frames with wooden bunks and the ever-comfortable mattresses. So we leave a bit late for camp, Wags took off and John seemed to think running up the massive hill was better than driving. Then traffic. Then, dinner with Beth and Kelly's girls. Then Lynn missed the exit and Beth, Kelly and I sat in front of a gun store with the girls for 40 minutes until Lynn found us. Then Beth realized she forgot their chicken and we stopped at Safeway. We got to camp in the dark.
So Lynn and the girls drag our stuff to our big tent while I drag the ultra heavy stuff to the kitchen shelter. Little did I know I made the more physically challenging choice but the less mentally challenging one. SPIDERS. Big nasty spiders that don't die. Lynn is not freaked by anything, but she was skittish from killing endless spiders in our tent. None of us slept the first night.
At some point, had to use the bathroom. At this camp, mostly biffy's are the toilet. A biffy for those who do not know, is an outhouse. Peeee Yooouuuuu. usually it is not that bad, but last weekend, it was BAD. It was worse than BAD. It was killer gross.
I actually gagged and could not stay in the biffy long enough to pee. I ended up tying a bandanna around my face and then stuck my nose and mouth below my tshirt level so I would smell as little as possible. Then I decided on Saturday morning that deodorant was bad as I could kill more stench in the biffy by NOT using deodorant. There is something seriously wrong with that, but sometimes survival of the fittest leads you down very sad roads.
At any rate, I believe I used the biffy once or twice a day and no more. There was no explanation on why they smelled so bad, this was just a bad week that was warm enough to create an unthinkable stench.
So...now I am thinking we must go to River Ranch next encampment....they have flush toilets.
You can't beat that with a stick.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
How to handle your finances, with some humor
I did not write this, but found it funny and very true. Read it and learn (and laugh)
Do what many of us already did so you can get what we already got.
Posted on September 8, 2009 by Uppity Woman
Ladies and gentlemen who go to work every day, I know you are out there even though there is a bit of an echo when you answer. I want you to know that you are all in luck!
I would like you to know that the President is going to make sure you know how to set up your retirement savings so that you can be comfortable when you are old. Now, the important thing to remember here is you should ignore all the people around you who lost decades worth of savings and are returning to work in their old age. Just remember: It didn’t happen and it won’t happen again, Okay? Good.
In his weekly address, the President has announced an initiative to help educate workers on how to best handle retirement savings.
My retirement savings
Funny, but I seem to recognize this initiative and what he would like you all to do. I believed it the last time this initiative was put in place. The problem is, my savings have been cut into a fraction by the Wall Street bust. In fact, my retirement 401k isn’t worth the powder to blow it up with. And I can’t tell you what a blast it is wondering if the FDIC is really going to insure what money I have left in my “safe” bank. After all, the fact that they are underfunded is just a dumb thing to worry about, right? I’m such a wuss! And a bad sport!
So you all be sure to do what I did, ya hear? That way by the time you hit your fifties, you will have forgotten what happened to the people before you and you too can sit there and watch Goldman Sachs, Wall Street fat cats and manipulators and the Fed reroute your life savings into their buckets. After all, we all know that whatever works well is always repeated. Carry on.
Here are the finer points of the initiative.
Expand opportunities for automatic enrollment in 401(k) and other retirement savings plans,
Make it easier for more than 100 million families to save a portion or all of their tax refunds,
Enable workers to convert their unused vacation or other similar leave into additional retirement savings, and
Help workers and their employers better understand the available options for tax-favored retirement saving through clear, easy-to-understand language.
Super!
Now let’s see, as I recall, millions of people have faithfully invested in their 401ks and other funds for decades, all of which are now in the crapper. As a matter of fact, some retirees have found themselves in poverty after having invested and saved for their future in all these handy-dandy funds for decades. And now, by popular demand, this new initiative will make it easier for the rest of you to get the same hot poker stuck up your asses when you get ready to retire. How cool is that? You can have the privilege of either returning to work in your 70s or losing your home. How cool is that? I love choices and I know you do too. I think this is a good plan.
Carry on.
I do have to give the President some credit though. He added a new opportunity to the old list.
Just think! In addition to saving as much of your earnings as you can for Goldman Sachs, you can also actually increase your savings by giving up all of your vacations. In fact, if you bust your ass and die in a hurry, your heirs can cash in your savings and go through them like shit through a goose, but at least they will get out of your plan before your Goldman Sachs retirement age. Plus the government gets to keep all the Social Security money you paid them, so that a couple of decades later when your wife goes to collect it, it’s not there. But don’t worry! There are lots of IOUs that Congress handed out every time they raided that pot! They promised to pay it back, right? Right?
So don’t forget to give up those vacations, while helping the department of labor pump up their productivity numbers. Wall Street will be most grateful and so will the Federal Reserve and the World Bank. After all, the more you save for them, the more money all those fat cats can steal from you when they cash in again and create the next bust just in time for your retirement. Don’t let the fact that they all know what’s coming and you don’t deter you though, okay?
Come on gang! You don’t need a vacation! The President doesn’t take vacations does he?
Warren Buffet, George Soros, and the rest of the biggies who control the market are going to take really good care of you in a couple of decades just like they took care of your parents and grandparents in the past year. Isn’t it funny how the worse things get for people who saved money, the richer people like this get? What a riot! An astounding coincidence! But they want you to know they care! That’s why they are Democrats. Republican thieves are rude. They stick it to you right in your face. They sneer at you and disdain your very existence. How rude. But Democratic thieves are nice about it and that’s what counts! Instead of telling you to get your old wrinkled retired ass back to work at Walmarts or someplace equally cool, they wait until you come to the realization that you are screwed all by yourself! It’s a much nicer screw job.
But hey, it’s all for a Greater Good, you know?
But don’t stop there. As inflation gets worse every day, you can still invest a lot of money by giving up silly things like food and heat. Come on. Be a sport. Wall Street needs you. There are hundreds of CEOs of gutted companies who are worrying where their next million is going to come from even as we speak. Trust me, you can trust them. And don’t forget to use that credit card too. That’s a big help.
The best part of this initiative is the President is going to make it as easy as possible for you to invest as much money as possible to help the next wave of fat cats who are heavily invested in your “future” rob you blind. Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if he believes in this initiative and its future profits so much that he, congress and all of their friends all invest in the companies who will be offering you savings plans. You know, the ones who take the administrative fees and things?
Together, these steps will expand the range of choices for workers who want to save and will make saving easier for millions of Americans.
Isn’t that nice? He really is such a good Republican Democrat.
Workers enjoying Green Jobs in Potato Field
Now get to work at your new green job that I swear will be available for you, like really really soon. honest. Wall Street CEOs, the Fed, Goldman, et al, and all of their friends are depending on you for their future gains. This past year has been so much fun for them, they don’t want to miss the opportunity to do it again later. Just remember: It’s all tax deferred too. I mean you just can’t beat a deal like that. Tax-deferred savings and you won’t even have to pay those taxes when you lose it all.
Remember now: Planning. It’s very important, you know. Just ask everyone you know who “Planned” their own retirements and got their last financial statements. It’s a blast! And it worked out so well this time, the President wants you to have the same opportunities to lose all of your money as the retirees and near-retirees who came before you had. Seems fair, right?
You should look for the many analysts on Government TV who will advise you of what a good deal this is going to be for you. Don’t forget to listen carefully, mmmmmkay? After all, that’s what the people who got bilked before you did. Me? I should have listened to my mother. She was a Depression baby and she knew shit when she saw it even when somebody tried to shine it. She was a serious businesswoman with common sense, and she didn’t die a pauper, not by a long shot. The philosophy was simple: Don’t Buy What You Can’t Pay For– Always Save But Do It With Brains and Sense— There Is No Such Thing As A Free Lunch — Don’t Let Helpers Help Themselves To Your Money — and What Goes Up Must Come Down.
Do what many of us already did so you can get what we already got.
Posted on September 8, 2009 by Uppity Woman
Ladies and gentlemen who go to work every day, I know you are out there even though there is a bit of an echo when you answer. I want you to know that you are all in luck!
I would like you to know that the President is going to make sure you know how to set up your retirement savings so that you can be comfortable when you are old. Now, the important thing to remember here is you should ignore all the people around you who lost decades worth of savings and are returning to work in their old age. Just remember: It didn’t happen and it won’t happen again, Okay? Good.
In his weekly address, the President has announced an initiative to help educate workers on how to best handle retirement savings.
My retirement savings
Funny, but I seem to recognize this initiative and what he would like you all to do. I believed it the last time this initiative was put in place. The problem is, my savings have been cut into a fraction by the Wall Street bust. In fact, my retirement 401k isn’t worth the powder to blow it up with. And I can’t tell you what a blast it is wondering if the FDIC is really going to insure what money I have left in my “safe” bank. After all, the fact that they are underfunded is just a dumb thing to worry about, right? I’m such a wuss! And a bad sport!
So you all be sure to do what I did, ya hear? That way by the time you hit your fifties, you will have forgotten what happened to the people before you and you too can sit there and watch Goldman Sachs, Wall Street fat cats and manipulators and the Fed reroute your life savings into their buckets. After all, we all know that whatever works well is always repeated. Carry on.
Here are the finer points of the initiative.
Expand opportunities for automatic enrollment in 401(k) and other retirement savings plans,
Make it easier for more than 100 million families to save a portion or all of their tax refunds,
Enable workers to convert their unused vacation or other similar leave into additional retirement savings, and
Help workers and their employers better understand the available options for tax-favored retirement saving through clear, easy-to-understand language.
Super!
Now let’s see, as I recall, millions of people have faithfully invested in their 401ks and other funds for decades, all of which are now in the crapper. As a matter of fact, some retirees have found themselves in poverty after having invested and saved for their future in all these handy-dandy funds for decades. And now, by popular demand, this new initiative will make it easier for the rest of you to get the same hot poker stuck up your asses when you get ready to retire. How cool is that? You can have the privilege of either returning to work in your 70s or losing your home. How cool is that? I love choices and I know you do too. I think this is a good plan.
Carry on.
I do have to give the President some credit though. He added a new opportunity to the old list.
Just think! In addition to saving as much of your earnings as you can for Goldman Sachs, you can also actually increase your savings by giving up all of your vacations. In fact, if you bust your ass and die in a hurry, your heirs can cash in your savings and go through them like shit through a goose, but at least they will get out of your plan before your Goldman Sachs retirement age. Plus the government gets to keep all the Social Security money you paid them, so that a couple of decades later when your wife goes to collect it, it’s not there. But don’t worry! There are lots of IOUs that Congress handed out every time they raided that pot! They promised to pay it back, right? Right?
So don’t forget to give up those vacations, while helping the department of labor pump up their productivity numbers. Wall Street will be most grateful and so will the Federal Reserve and the World Bank. After all, the more you save for them, the more money all those fat cats can steal from you when they cash in again and create the next bust just in time for your retirement. Don’t let the fact that they all know what’s coming and you don’t deter you though, okay?
Come on gang! You don’t need a vacation! The President doesn’t take vacations does he?
Warren Buffet, George Soros, and the rest of the biggies who control the market are going to take really good care of you in a couple of decades just like they took care of your parents and grandparents in the past year. Isn’t it funny how the worse things get for people who saved money, the richer people like this get? What a riot! An astounding coincidence! But they want you to know they care! That’s why they are Democrats. Republican thieves are rude. They stick it to you right in your face. They sneer at you and disdain your very existence. How rude. But Democratic thieves are nice about it and that’s what counts! Instead of telling you to get your old wrinkled retired ass back to work at Walmarts or someplace equally cool, they wait until you come to the realization that you are screwed all by yourself! It’s a much nicer screw job.
But hey, it’s all for a Greater Good, you know?
But don’t stop there. As inflation gets worse every day, you can still invest a lot of money by giving up silly things like food and heat. Come on. Be a sport. Wall Street needs you. There are hundreds of CEOs of gutted companies who are worrying where their next million is going to come from even as we speak. Trust me, you can trust them. And don’t forget to use that credit card too. That’s a big help.
The best part of this initiative is the President is going to make it as easy as possible for you to invest as much money as possible to help the next wave of fat cats who are heavily invested in your “future” rob you blind. Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if he believes in this initiative and its future profits so much that he, congress and all of their friends all invest in the companies who will be offering you savings plans. You know, the ones who take the administrative fees and things?
Together, these steps will expand the range of choices for workers who want to save and will make saving easier for millions of Americans.
Isn’t that nice? He really is such a good Republican Democrat.
Workers enjoying Green Jobs in Potato Field
Now get to work at your new green job that I swear will be available for you, like really really soon. honest. Wall Street CEOs, the Fed, Goldman, et al, and all of their friends are depending on you for their future gains. This past year has been so much fun for them, they don’t want to miss the opportunity to do it again later. Just remember: It’s all tax deferred too. I mean you just can’t beat a deal like that. Tax-deferred savings and you won’t even have to pay those taxes when you lose it all.
Remember now: Planning. It’s very important, you know. Just ask everyone you know who “Planned” their own retirements and got their last financial statements. It’s a blast! And it worked out so well this time, the President wants you to have the same opportunities to lose all of your money as the retirees and near-retirees who came before you had. Seems fair, right?
You should look for the many analysts on Government TV who will advise you of what a good deal this is going to be for you. Don’t forget to listen carefully, mmmmmkay? After all, that’s what the people who got bilked before you did. Me? I should have listened to my mother. She was a Depression baby and she knew shit when she saw it even when somebody tried to shine it. She was a serious businesswoman with common sense, and she didn’t die a pauper, not by a long shot. The philosophy was simple: Don’t Buy What You Can’t Pay For– Always Save But Do It With Brains and Sense— There Is No Such Thing As A Free Lunch — Don’t Let Helpers Help Themselves To Your Money — and What Goes Up Must Come Down.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Flying Foxes
Ok, this is what we saw, in the hundreds and hundreds of numbers, in the adjacent botanical park. They were sleeping and waking up here and there, some were harassing the sleeping ones. We hope to upload some video soon, and we hope to go back to see them actually taking off in flying monkey numbers to hunt bugs.
Tangalooma and Sydney
We are in Syndey now, leaving Saturday for home. Evidently we go through a time warp as we arrive 2 hours before we leave. That should be interesting. Wonder if the energy pack comes along with me.
It is am right now, will post more tonight if possible. Fruit bats that look like little wolves. Won't be sleeping tonight!
It is am right now, will post more tonight if possible. Fruit bats that look like little wolves. Won't be sleeping tonight!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Last day on the Sunshine Coast
Here's Tyler petting a Koala. We actually drove through a Koala Crossing area today. Very cool to see that sign!!
Above that is a Wallaby, actually in the wild!!! A Wallaby is a mini kangaroo, basically. We were walking through a rainforest trail and spotted three of them. Very cool. We also saw holes that are the homes of giant worms, more than 2 feet in length. They come out at night, thankfully!!
Finally, here is the view from our Caloundra room. That is Bribie Island across the water, it is a huge sand dune about 30 miles long. Very cool, we took a boat there and walked over to the beach side.
Finally, here is the view from our Caloundra room. That is Bribie Island across the water, it is a huge sand dune about 30 miles long. Very cool, we took a boat there and walked over to the beach side.
and off to Tangalooma!!! South Pacific here we come!!! We spent our last day on the Sunshine Coast trying to find a beach with multi-colored sand dunes, but, alas, we failed. So, we ended up on a random beach and Tyler surfed, John attempted to surf, and he also gave Chloe and Guy their first surfing lessons. I sat in the sun and read book 2 of Dean Koontz' Frankenstein. Mom sat with me, even though she does not like to sit in the sun much. I will add a photo of Mom on the beach later tonight.
Hopefully I will post tomorrow from Tangalooma, but definitely by Thursday evening from Sydney! Cheers! Mary
Monday, August 24, 2009
Kangaroo with a baby in the pouch
This is soooo cool. You don't get to see this often. A kangaroo with it's baby in the pouch. This was no tiny baby, either!!!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Hit and Miss
Today we went on a crap shoot. We decided to go to a waterfall to swim, and when we got there the walk to the top of it was easy, but to swim under it you had to jump down or climb down the rocky forest steep hill. I chose the hill as the people jumping were young Aussie guys. There was a rope swing down there but it was way high and John and I would not let Chloe or Guy do it. They cried (we let Tyler do it) and were miserable. So, we left. They sulked.
We went to a subtropical rainforest after that, and they cheered up because it was really cool under the canopy and we saw 3 wallabies. A wallaby is a cute little mini me kangaroo. We also heard some of the crazy bird calls, one sounds just like a baby crying and it was horrible. Tyler and I tried to imitate a sharp whistle from one, but it was too hard. The birds out here are crazy, they swoop at you and are loud and totally not afraid. I love them. There is one we keep trying to record in the morning, he sounds like he is playing a wood pipe instrument and from Close Encounters. I'll upload it if we get it!!!
Anyway, we tried to find a duckbilled platypus after that, on a boardwalk that sounded promising but we found nothing. It was sad. But we did walk a lot and had a nice day. The kids swam in the pool downstairs while I sat and read in the nice warm air with a cool breeze. Life is good!
No idea what is in store for tomorrow, but I did finally get a cold cut for lunch that I like. Hungarian Salami. YUM! Even their oreos taste different, and I am suddenly really picky about food.
G'day!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Underwater World!
Underwater World. Just the name brought me images of that awful Kevin Costner movie. But I figured an Aussie Underwater World would be a bit more fun. It was cute, more for younger kids but we did see a very nice sea lion/seal show. I finally “get” the difference between the two animals. Groucho the Australian seal pantsed a guy who fell in the water, which we enjoyed very much whether it was planned or not.
We did learn that you can be charged astronomical fees if you possess a living or dead goldfish, koi, or several other fish that are highly illegal here. They Aussies are quite serious about protecting their native fish, and invasive ones are NOT welcome!!!
We also went to a beach today, John and Tyler had high hopes of surfing. Unfortunately it was low tide and the waves were very sad. The kids swam, Nana and Tyler combed the beach for shells and coral, and John watched the kids in the water. Mary read a book!
It was not the most exciting day, but it was nice and I did enjoy sitting on the beach listening to all the people talking. Aussie accents are much more interesting than our own.
We did learn that you can be charged astronomical fees if you possess a living or dead goldfish, koi, or several other fish that are highly illegal here. They Aussies are quite serious about protecting their native fish, and invasive ones are NOT welcome!!!
We also went to a beach today, John and Tyler had high hopes of surfing. Unfortunately it was low tide and the waves were very sad. The kids swam, Nana and Tyler combed the beach for shells and coral, and John watched the kids in the water. Mary read a book!
It was not the most exciting day, but it was nice and I did enjoy sitting on the beach listening to all the people talking. Aussie accents are much more interesting than our own.
Friday, August 21, 2009
CRIKEY!!!!
Today we visited the Australia Zoo. For those who don’t know, that is Steve Irwin’s (The Crocodile Hunter) Zoo. It is also sponsored by Animal Planet, which is very cool to kids. As is Steve-O.
Where to start? How about we start when we arrived. Very unlike last year’s Disney adventure, there were at least 65 people on line to get into the zoo at opening time. Disney had to have a 1 hour pre-opening show for the 10,000 people waiting for the gates to open. We enjoyed the lack of crowds very much.
We expected to never be able to cover the entire park in one day, so we grabbed a few maps and started sprinting. The map was not available online so there was no way to pre-plan our route. After a very fast walk of 50 yards, we realized that we were almost halfway up the map, so we calmed down quite a bit.
It was the first realization that we were NOT in Kansas anymore. We checked out the infamous crocodile area, there are numerous pens with crocs in them. They all have names and stories, it’s pretty cool. We went to a tortoise talk time, and saw giant tortoises standing up when their shells were scratched, walking distances beyond our expectations, and eating all kinds of veggie matter. We also learned a ton of stuff about them. They have feeling all over the outside of their shell, they stand up to let lizards eat dead skin off their bodies, and that they never do ANYTHING quickly. But, if you leave your finger in front of them long enough, they will bite it off.
After the tortoise talk, he told us to go feed the elephants. So, like the skilled Disney-ites we were, we took off at full speed ahead of the crowd to get to the end of the park for elephant feeding time. We passed the wombats at 60 kilometers per hour (Aussies use metric), we passed through the huge aviary tent at 40 KPH, and came to the kangaroo area. Halfway through, we stopped and thought, “hey, it is much cooler to pet a kangaroo than to feed an elephant”. So we stopped and hung out in a field, sitting next to and petting kangaroos. Things calmed down to a screeching halt. And it was great. After we had our first fill of kangaroo time, we went to the Crocoseum for the big show.
It was nice to go see a show less than 20 minutes before it starts and get a good seat. They had snakes, one guy swam with a BIG python, birds were swooping over our heads and they showed us how to attract (or avoid) a crocodile. They were NOT 100% comfortable with the big croc, which was pretty cool. They were not acting, either. This guy was big and you never can tell when they will strike out at you. The main guy explained that the croc was a bit freaked out because they went and woke him up and took him out of his territory for the show. He asked, “what would you say if I came in to your bedroom and took your mate away”. To which John loudly answered “Good Luck”. He stumped an Aussie. The crowd laughed, I was mortified. So the Aussie said, “that was a good one”, and then “how about if I came into your home and took your beer” to which John said “you’re dead”. And he says I like being center of attention. But he was right, the Aussie guy said the croc was that mad. He wanted his beer back.
We brought on our own food and had a picnic, and we saw a fantastic tiger show (I am a big Calvin and Hobbes fan). We watched trainers show different methods of training tigers and have never seen tigers move that much, that fast or climb that high. Totally cool. We saw birds of prey in a show, fed the kangaroos, including joeys who were still milking their moms, and petted the butt of a koala. Koala bears are not wanting to be cuddled! We would vote for the kangaroo areas being the best of all.
But we did swing by the Tasmanian devil area for the second time on the way out, as the first time they were hiding and asleep. They were out and running around and even fought a bit for us. Very cute for deadly little critters.
Then I insisted we see the kookaburras last, which was the best time. We watched the top bird guy feeding rat pieces to the kookaburras and were treated to an amazing puffing up of the birds and the insane laughter shriek they let off. Several times! SO cool.
We had to hunt down the stores to buy souvenirs, but find them we did. This is the best animal center on earth, at least in my humble opinion. They inform you of so many interesting and meaningful facts about animals, and they make it fun. It’s kind of like if your neighbor had a bunch of animals and taught you about them.
It’s one more reason to visit Australia. Oh, and they are an equal opportunity employer. The bird guy went from starting to being in charge in 2 years!!! He is from Iowa. God Bless Australia!
Where to start? How about we start when we arrived. Very unlike last year’s Disney adventure, there were at least 65 people on line to get into the zoo at opening time. Disney had to have a 1 hour pre-opening show for the 10,000 people waiting for the gates to open. We enjoyed the lack of crowds very much.
We expected to never be able to cover the entire park in one day, so we grabbed a few maps and started sprinting. The map was not available online so there was no way to pre-plan our route. After a very fast walk of 50 yards, we realized that we were almost halfway up the map, so we calmed down quite a bit.
It was the first realization that we were NOT in Kansas anymore. We checked out the infamous crocodile area, there are numerous pens with crocs in them. They all have names and stories, it’s pretty cool. We went to a tortoise talk time, and saw giant tortoises standing up when their shells were scratched, walking distances beyond our expectations, and eating all kinds of veggie matter. We also learned a ton of stuff about them. They have feeling all over the outside of their shell, they stand up to let lizards eat dead skin off their bodies, and that they never do ANYTHING quickly. But, if you leave your finger in front of them long enough, they will bite it off.
After the tortoise talk, he told us to go feed the elephants. So, like the skilled Disney-ites we were, we took off at full speed ahead of the crowd to get to the end of the park for elephant feeding time. We passed the wombats at 60 kilometers per hour (Aussies use metric), we passed through the huge aviary tent at 40 KPH, and came to the kangaroo area. Halfway through, we stopped and thought, “hey, it is much cooler to pet a kangaroo than to feed an elephant”. So we stopped and hung out in a field, sitting next to and petting kangaroos. Things calmed down to a screeching halt. And it was great. After we had our first fill of kangaroo time, we went to the Crocoseum for the big show.
It was nice to go see a show less than 20 minutes before it starts and get a good seat. They had snakes, one guy swam with a BIG python, birds were swooping over our heads and they showed us how to attract (or avoid) a crocodile. They were NOT 100% comfortable with the big croc, which was pretty cool. They were not acting, either. This guy was big and you never can tell when they will strike out at you. The main guy explained that the croc was a bit freaked out because they went and woke him up and took him out of his territory for the show. He asked, “what would you say if I came in to your bedroom and took your mate away”. To which John loudly answered “Good Luck”. He stumped an Aussie. The crowd laughed, I was mortified. So the Aussie said, “that was a good one”, and then “how about if I came into your home and took your beer” to which John said “you’re dead”. And he says I like being center of attention. But he was right, the Aussie guy said the croc was that mad. He wanted his beer back.
We brought on our own food and had a picnic, and we saw a fantastic tiger show (I am a big Calvin and Hobbes fan). We watched trainers show different methods of training tigers and have never seen tigers move that much, that fast or climb that high. Totally cool. We saw birds of prey in a show, fed the kangaroos, including joeys who were still milking their moms, and petted the butt of a koala. Koala bears are not wanting to be cuddled! We would vote for the kangaroo areas being the best of all.
But we did swing by the Tasmanian devil area for the second time on the way out, as the first time they were hiding and asleep. They were out and running around and even fought a bit for us. Very cute for deadly little critters.
Then I insisted we see the kookaburras last, which was the best time. We watched the top bird guy feeding rat pieces to the kookaburras and were treated to an amazing puffing up of the birds and the insane laughter shriek they let off. Several times! SO cool.
We had to hunt down the stores to buy souvenirs, but find them we did. This is the best animal center on earth, at least in my humble opinion. They inform you of so many interesting and meaningful facts about animals, and they make it fun. It’s kind of like if your neighbor had a bunch of animals and taught you about them.
It’s one more reason to visit Australia. Oh, and they are an equal opportunity employer. The bird guy went from starting to being in charge in 2 years!!! He is from Iowa. God Bless Australia!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Australian Outback Spectacular!!!
First night in Australia, Surfer's Paradise, the most commercial town in Australia, led us to the most commercial activity we could find. The Australian Outback SPECTACULAR!!! Frankly, I was expecting it to be horrible after all the criticism I read about it online. We arrived, got our "outback hats". Hmmm, pretty nice, made of straw, not the paper hats we were betting on. We even got to be on the red team, much to Guy's joy and happiness. It was red vs. yellow, and we all know we don't wanna be yellow!!!
So we get to our seats, pretty cool, second row and it's stadium style so I won't miss one embarassingly cheesey moment. The waitress comes and offers me wine, beer or lemonade. I took the wine. It was fabulous! I might like this place!
I figured I should drink slowly as I am quite sure you only get one glass for the 70 bucks or so that we spent on each ticket. Salad is served, and it's 5 star quality!! I mentioned to the waitress that Guy is allergic to peanuts and tree nuts, and she swiftly snapped up Guy's salad and came back with a nut free, egg free salad. The first one simply might have been contaminated, but she did not want to take a chance. Guy actually even ate some of it.
So the show starts and it's pretty entertaining. There's the fun stuff, like the guy's riding horses standing up, and guys and chicks are racing in various ways and dancing australian country music (believe it or not, it's really good). I was thoroughly enjoying myself and then a guy comes around with MORE WINE. How great is this place???
Excellent steak and sides and Guy's dish again was brought without my asking, and the waitress placed it down and said, Egg and Nut free!!! An allergy mom's Heaven for sure. They DON'T forget, even though there are a thousand customers to serve. They brought him a special dessert as well since we got some Aussie dessert made entirely of eggs and sugar.
And in between those flashy, catchy entertaining moments, the MC guy was telling us stories about Aussie legends: The Man From Snowy River - I thought it was just a movie! It's real!! How they lived in the Outback, the history of their country. It was great. And it was patriotic.
I don't care how tacky commercial is. When you put together a bang up entertaining show like this one and add 3 rounds of drinks and a 5 star meal, you surpass commercial. You are The Bomb. And that is what the Australian Outback Spectacular is. it's The Bomb. And a damn good one at that!
The Spirit In The Sky
So much for a vacation being relaxing. I thought it was going to go great, got packed way on time, got to the airport, loaded the plane and even took off on time. We met up with Tyler in San Francisco and off we went to Australia.
We even got our own row, every other person in a seat. How often does that happen anymore!!! So, the flight leaves at 11:30 pm, Guy drops off to sleep almost immediately. Chloe does too, and Tyler spread out on the three seats in our row as I gave him my extra seat.
I even fell asleep for a while. Then I woke up, and on the giant screens all over the plane was a map with our plane over……nothing. There was ocean, ocean, ocean. It stated that we were 4,000 miles from the good old USA. And about 6 billion miles from Australia. Great progress, you say? Not me. All I thought about was if our airplane crashed, nobody was going to get there to pick us up until well after we were dinner for some giant sea creature.
That’s when the fun started. Yes, my favorite and yours, turbulence. It sounds like a disease, and really, it should be considered a plague. Our gigantic plane was so long that it bounced on the airstrip while driving. During turbulence, it bounced and felt like it was about to snap. I was the sole awake soul on the plane, and not a rosary was in sight. What’s a girl to do? DWELL. I dwelled on the idea that, if the plane snapped in half, we were in the back half and therefore would likely hit the water with much less force than the front half of the plane. Some of us might actually survive a 30,000 foot fall. Right? But then again, I admitted that perhaps falling that far might make us go SO deep into the ocean that we would not be able to swim back up. Ok, Mary – Dead. John – Dead. I can’t continue.
Then I consoled myself with the thought that perhaps we would all pass out from the rapid decline in height, and would never know we were dead until we floated up to Heaven, or somewhere else in my case. That might be livable.
But I found myself hoping that, if we were doomed, we would just suddenly blow up. That seemed to be the least aware I could be of impending death. So after a few hours of this cheerful, “we’re going on vacation to the land of deadliest creatures” imagery dancing through my head, I made a big decision. I ordered a vodka & tonic. This despite the fact that I was well aware they did not have any lime slices. It was a big move. I had my drink, and fell into a restless nap. I had some weird dreams, but I will share that story another day.
Just in case you were curious, I am writing this to you from Surfer’s Paradise in Australia. It’s on the Gold Coast. Surfer’s Paradise is considered to be the most crudely commercialistic location in all of Australia. So I am wondering, maybe THIS is Heaven and we just aren’t really aware of it yet. Makes you wonder, hmmmm?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sometimes they get it right
I was at cub scout daycamp tonight getting information on how camp will be run this week, and one of my scouts' mom, who is my friend, mentioned to me that her son is going to be mainstreamed this year in school. I burst out with joy, and then I started to cry. I am so happy and so proud of Zane, he's a great person and I love to have him over to play with Guy. Guy loves him too, and I am just so thrilled that the school - who often does not go out on a limb for a kid - made a decision to do this without the insistance of the parent. Zane will do well, and I am now probably going to spend more time in school to watch him succeed.
Zane is austistic. I love talking to him and he has a wonderful brother and a little sister who thinks my daughter is the be-all end-all in life. And the parents are really nice too.
The mom is the person who gave me a little "feet" pin a few months ago at the tax day protest. It is an exact replica of a baby's feet at 10 weeks old in the womb. I wear it all the time and even though they have gone through the laundry a few times, they are holding up great. The feet mean a lot to me, probably a tangible symbol of my feelings toward pro choice options. It is hard to look at the feet and say it's okay, it really is.
I saw those feet once, when Chloe was 10 weeks old and I had an internal sonogram. An internal sonogram means they essentially took a bat with a camera in it, and stuck it where the sun don't shine. But I saw, and I realized that they are people way before we realize it. And it makes it very difficult to think about what happens to them sometimes.
I say this because Zane is a kid I would have chosen to have if I were his mother. He's different, but he is fun and sweet and smart. He is a child I would be proud of. I just love him and his family and I am so glad he is progressing.
This is what life is all about. It doesn't get better than moments like today. I have the best husband in the world, wonderful children, and have surrounded myself with incredible people who care for their children. It's a wonderful life.
Zane is austistic. I love talking to him and he has a wonderful brother and a little sister who thinks my daughter is the be-all end-all in life. And the parents are really nice too.
The mom is the person who gave me a little "feet" pin a few months ago at the tax day protest. It is an exact replica of a baby's feet at 10 weeks old in the womb. I wear it all the time and even though they have gone through the laundry a few times, they are holding up great. The feet mean a lot to me, probably a tangible symbol of my feelings toward pro choice options. It is hard to look at the feet and say it's okay, it really is.
I saw those feet once, when Chloe was 10 weeks old and I had an internal sonogram. An internal sonogram means they essentially took a bat with a camera in it, and stuck it where the sun don't shine. But I saw, and I realized that they are people way before we realize it. And it makes it very difficult to think about what happens to them sometimes.
I say this because Zane is a kid I would have chosen to have if I were his mother. He's different, but he is fun and sweet and smart. He is a child I would be proud of. I just love him and his family and I am so glad he is progressing.
This is what life is all about. It doesn't get better than moments like today. I have the best husband in the world, wonderful children, and have surrounded myself with incredible people who care for their children. It's a wonderful life.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Better Off Dead
The title of one of my favorite movies now seems to be an ironic punch line to my feelings about life.
I am coming to terms with the comments and feelings of people I know and love concerning the right to life and where that line lies. I guess this has come to mind again this week because I have had a few chats with a very Catholic guy I knew in high school. We didn't even come close to discussing that topic, we just talked about everyday things. But he was someone who seemed to hold himself to the higher standard, and I admired him for that despite the fact that I did not see the need to even go to church.
What disturbs me is a comment by an old friend last year. She's a dear friend from college, and she has always been pro-choice. We both were. She asked me to be her bus leader partner on one pro choice march on Washington, and I did it happily. She got a degree in speech pathology, I believe, and she started working for the school system placing kids exiting special education in jobs in their communities. I thought it was a noble job. I still do.
But last Fall, she expressed deep concern that Sarah Palin intentionally had a Downs Syndrome baby. She essentially said she worked with so many special needs kids who were miserable that they would have been better off had they never been born. I was really freaked out by that. It pretty much defined my entire ululating wail throughout the entire election. Sarah Palin's choice to keep her child should not have become a political issue, yet it did. And I admire her for her choice. Not because I would have made that same choice, today I would make it but 10 or 15 years ago, I don't know that I would have handled the choice very well.
But it is a really a harsh thing to say that a kid is better off dead when you are trying to help them. I know and work with children who are autistic, downs, selective mutism, airborn food allergies, and just plain screwed up that my friend might classify as better off dead. She might have classified me that way when I was a senior in high school. It scares me, because I take such joy in many children that I cannot imagine making such a harsh judgement. My cousin had a downs baby about 20 years ago, and she was not prepared before birth, they didn't know. She flipped and wanted to put the baby up for adoption. But within a few days, she realized this was her child and she was going to take responsibility and raise her, and love her. And that is exactly what she did. My cousin has raised a very happy, funny, energetic girl who may face some rejection from the idiot population, but the world is a better place now due to my cousin and her daughter. A friend from high school chose to have her son after she found out he was Downs. It is sad that so many people shake their heads and say that kind of child would be better off dead when they don't have a clue to the joys of real parenthood.
I talked a mom I am friends with into letting her son, who is autistic, into my cub scout den. It took a year, they tried another pack first but eventually he ended up in my den. This is a boy I have known for 3 or 4 years, and he is such a doll. He is smart, and attentive, and creative, and my son loves him. So do I. He deserves to be treated as well as any other boy in my den (I have 10, and those in the know realize that is a huge den). He deserves the chance to learn knife safety, play games, and even help younger boys without prejudiced adults and children blocking his way. And with the fiercely viscious Mary behind, he will do just that. He's going to daycamp, last summer they put him in a lower unit because he was austistic. This year he is mine and with my boys because I think he can do it all. And he can, his parents know it and I do too.
Please, please, never write anyone off. Back in High School, I don't think my Catholic friend wrote me off, as serious and judgemental as he was. He left a small bit of room for reasoning. He was a smart guy. No one is better off dead. I am sure people said it about me once, special needs or just plain misguided. I know it's hard to work with teens who are wretched and "wish" they were dead, but many teens are like that, not just special needs kids. Don't write them off. Give them a chance, and teach your children to do the same. You might easily find a place in heaven on Earth if you do.
I am coming to terms with the comments and feelings of people I know and love concerning the right to life and where that line lies. I guess this has come to mind again this week because I have had a few chats with a very Catholic guy I knew in high school. We didn't even come close to discussing that topic, we just talked about everyday things. But he was someone who seemed to hold himself to the higher standard, and I admired him for that despite the fact that I did not see the need to even go to church.
What disturbs me is a comment by an old friend last year. She's a dear friend from college, and she has always been pro-choice. We both were. She asked me to be her bus leader partner on one pro choice march on Washington, and I did it happily. She got a degree in speech pathology, I believe, and she started working for the school system placing kids exiting special education in jobs in their communities. I thought it was a noble job. I still do.
But last Fall, she expressed deep concern that Sarah Palin intentionally had a Downs Syndrome baby. She essentially said she worked with so many special needs kids who were miserable that they would have been better off had they never been born. I was really freaked out by that. It pretty much defined my entire ululating wail throughout the entire election. Sarah Palin's choice to keep her child should not have become a political issue, yet it did. And I admire her for her choice. Not because I would have made that same choice, today I would make it but 10 or 15 years ago, I don't know that I would have handled the choice very well.
But it is a really a harsh thing to say that a kid is better off dead when you are trying to help them. I know and work with children who are autistic, downs, selective mutism, airborn food allergies, and just plain screwed up that my friend might classify as better off dead. She might have classified me that way when I was a senior in high school. It scares me, because I take such joy in many children that I cannot imagine making such a harsh judgement. My cousin had a downs baby about 20 years ago, and she was not prepared before birth, they didn't know. She flipped and wanted to put the baby up for adoption. But within a few days, she realized this was her child and she was going to take responsibility and raise her, and love her. And that is exactly what she did. My cousin has raised a very happy, funny, energetic girl who may face some rejection from the idiot population, but the world is a better place now due to my cousin and her daughter. A friend from high school chose to have her son after she found out he was Downs. It is sad that so many people shake their heads and say that kind of child would be better off dead when they don't have a clue to the joys of real parenthood.
I talked a mom I am friends with into letting her son, who is autistic, into my cub scout den. It took a year, they tried another pack first but eventually he ended up in my den. This is a boy I have known for 3 or 4 years, and he is such a doll. He is smart, and attentive, and creative, and my son loves him. So do I. He deserves to be treated as well as any other boy in my den (I have 10, and those in the know realize that is a huge den). He deserves the chance to learn knife safety, play games, and even help younger boys without prejudiced adults and children blocking his way. And with the fiercely viscious Mary behind, he will do just that. He's going to daycamp, last summer they put him in a lower unit because he was austistic. This year he is mine and with my boys because I think he can do it all. And he can, his parents know it and I do too.
Please, please, never write anyone off. Back in High School, I don't think my Catholic friend wrote me off, as serious and judgemental as he was. He left a small bit of room for reasoning. He was a smart guy. No one is better off dead. I am sure people said it about me once, special needs or just plain misguided. I know it's hard to work with teens who are wretched and "wish" they were dead, but many teens are like that, not just special needs kids. Don't write them off. Give them a chance, and teach your children to do the same. You might easily find a place in heaven on Earth if you do.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Uncle Paul
I just got an email from my uncle tonight informing me that my couse Kelley is graduating from high school. Thanks to the internet, he was able to attach a sample of Kelley's poetry and writings to impress the recipients. The biggest problem is, for an 18 year old girl, she is damn good. For me, that's a great problem to have.
For me, the greatest tradgedy is that I do not know my younger cousins the way I should. I grew up going to my grandparent's house at least once a week with the rest of the family. My dad was one of 8 kids and one of the oldest, so the older group of cousins was realy tight. I felt I had an incredible family life growing up, in spite of the fact that my parents did not come to my softball games, my cheerleading, those kinds of things.
I realized at some point that I have no concept of who my younger cousins are. I never saw them enough and I never had an adult to teach me how to interact with such young kids. I know how now that I've had children. Evidentally I know how to interact with them really well as lots of friends and acquaitances children flock to me as though I was Mother Goose. But I feel like a failure in the cousins department because I truly do not know my younger cousins to this day.
Yes, I live on the West Coast. But even when I lived on the East Coast I did not see nor interact with them. I had a great relationship with all of my ex's nieces and nephews, it was actually painful to not see them and still shocks me because they are so grown up and I have no clue.
At any rate, my Uncle Paul, who is a great guy and has overcome more mountains than anyone I know, deserves to have a niece, a goddaughter, who knows his girls and pays attention to them. I have neglected them and I am not so sure how one can make up for that these days.
Any suggestions are more than welcome.
For me, the greatest tradgedy is that I do not know my younger cousins the way I should. I grew up going to my grandparent's house at least once a week with the rest of the family. My dad was one of 8 kids and one of the oldest, so the older group of cousins was realy tight. I felt I had an incredible family life growing up, in spite of the fact that my parents did not come to my softball games, my cheerleading, those kinds of things.
I realized at some point that I have no concept of who my younger cousins are. I never saw them enough and I never had an adult to teach me how to interact with such young kids. I know how now that I've had children. Evidentally I know how to interact with them really well as lots of friends and acquaitances children flock to me as though I was Mother Goose. But I feel like a failure in the cousins department because I truly do not know my younger cousins to this day.
Yes, I live on the West Coast. But even when I lived on the East Coast I did not see nor interact with them. I had a great relationship with all of my ex's nieces and nephews, it was actually painful to not see them and still shocks me because they are so grown up and I have no clue.
At any rate, my Uncle Paul, who is a great guy and has overcome more mountains than anyone I know, deserves to have a niece, a goddaughter, who knows his girls and pays attention to them. I have neglected them and I am not so sure how one can make up for that these days.
Any suggestions are more than welcome.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I Wanna Be Sedated....or maybe I already am...
I was driving home from the Seattle Sleep Disorders Clinic tonight and suddenly was overcome with the desire to hear I Wanna Be Sedated. I switched radio stations at least 500 times while dangerously leaning over in a drunk-sleeping tilted sort of way to continue the search. But alas, it did not happen. The closest I got was Paradise City by Guns n Roses about a block from home. I would have been happier with Welcome to the Jungle, but it was good enough.
Why, you ask, was I coming home from the sleep center BEFORE I got to sleep? Well, there's a really good explanation for that. I blame it on Deryck Fritz. You see, my sister Cathy has been SCREAMING at me online, every post I made, to write a book. She eventually shortened it to BOOK!. And yet, I felt the negative response. Other people have expressed great joy in my twisted mind and oddball adventures in life. Yet still, I did not want to write. Frankly, I still don't. Not for me. But today Deryck, a college friend, sucker punched me big time. He said that if I couldn't write for my own dreams, that I needed to write for my friend's dreams. How unfair is that!!!!! VERY. But he knew exactly how to guilt me into picking up my blog writing and thinking about the future.
College held perhaps the most productive and hilarious years of my life. I discovered that I could have friends who truly enjoyed my "interesting person" magnet and my ability to wander into every odd corner imaginable. I realized - thanks to the demands of my department Chair, that I have plenty of talent and no true selfish desire to use it. I went to college in New York City, and it was the finest place on Earth for me. No frats (I am sorry, you are not a fraternity if you do not have a house in my book - just my book, you can have your own book so get over it). There was one dormitory with 400 kids and many were from other countries. Having adopted the Puerto Rican lifestyle when my stepfather taught me the true meaning of joy (FOOD), I spent many hours sneaking up on students in the kitchen (yes, in NYC you get to cook your own food, or we did at the time!) and learning about that particular person's food. It was so entertaining and interesting, and I always got a few bones thrown my way to eat! Sometimes LOTS of them! I beleive the only negative attitude I might have shown was when a cockroach appeared in my life. I would immediately scream throughout the dorms, "WHO IS FROM THE BRONX?" and someone would run out and say "ME!" and I would hand them a newspaper and ask them to go kill the roach. You know what? They ALWAYS killed it (even if they whacked me with the newspaper first). I love the Bronx. And I love anyone who grew up there!
So, back to whatever the heck I was talking about. Hmmm...Bronx, cockroaches, food, college! I was talking about college. I entered Pace thinking I could never survive one semester there, and I probably didn't realize how wrong I was until I graduated. Each semester, after finishing all my exams and handing in all my papers ON TIME (a first for me, teachers in HS always let me hand them in up to a month late), I would go out to the local deli with Brenda (my roommate for those who don't know) and get two big big cans of Foster's beer. Then we would drink them through a straw. That's two each, not one. Small Foster's cans never taste as good as the big ones. It was a quiet celebration and recognition of another freaking awesome few months.
So, needless to say, Deryck, who travels all over the world for the UN to help other people have fair democratic elections, skewered me with wanting me to at least give it a go for the troops from Pace. How cruel of him. He somehow knows that my life blossomed due to the entire experience at Pace. And he knows I owe Pace, NYC, and my long list of friends from college at least a true effort.
I told Deryck that I would think about all this tonight at the sleep center. And I got my little bag packed, with a snack and caffeine free diet coke, a good book, jammies and a bottle of water. I drove up to Seattle and got there early, so I decided to sit in the empty sleep clinic. Sitting there, enjoying that I was going to have a night of reading with no interuptions and no thoughts of writing, a guy came in and asked me if I was there for the sleep clinic. I said yes, although I pointed out I was 30 minutes early and he could wait to check me in. This guy was super smart. He asked my name, I gave it to him. And he said he did not have me listed for that night.
So.....instead of freaking out, I went up to the counter, reluctantly put away my book, and got out my papers. I said, "OH, you're right. I am supposed to be here in 2 weeks!" He was so happy. And I drove home. It occured to me that somehow this was not working to my advantage. I gave up my narcolepsy meds for 2 weeks, thus driving my poor sweet husband insane, and now I will have to go another 2 weeks. Then I thought about not reading my book and figured it was a sign that I need to at the very least start my blog again.
So here it is. From your buddy who at times is so intelligent, and at times is the Village Idiot. But either way, I am having a ball!
Why, you ask, was I coming home from the sleep center BEFORE I got to sleep? Well, there's a really good explanation for that. I blame it on Deryck Fritz. You see, my sister Cathy has been SCREAMING at me online, every post I made, to write a book. She eventually shortened it to BOOK!. And yet, I felt the negative response. Other people have expressed great joy in my twisted mind and oddball adventures in life. Yet still, I did not want to write. Frankly, I still don't. Not for me. But today Deryck, a college friend, sucker punched me big time. He said that if I couldn't write for my own dreams, that I needed to write for my friend's dreams. How unfair is that!!!!! VERY. But he knew exactly how to guilt me into picking up my blog writing and thinking about the future.
College held perhaps the most productive and hilarious years of my life. I discovered that I could have friends who truly enjoyed my "interesting person" magnet and my ability to wander into every odd corner imaginable. I realized - thanks to the demands of my department Chair, that I have plenty of talent and no true selfish desire to use it. I went to college in New York City, and it was the finest place on Earth for me. No frats (I am sorry, you are not a fraternity if you do not have a house in my book - just my book, you can have your own book so get over it). There was one dormitory with 400 kids and many were from other countries. Having adopted the Puerto Rican lifestyle when my stepfather taught me the true meaning of joy (FOOD), I spent many hours sneaking up on students in the kitchen (yes, in NYC you get to cook your own food, or we did at the time!) and learning about that particular person's food. It was so entertaining and interesting, and I always got a few bones thrown my way to eat! Sometimes LOTS of them! I beleive the only negative attitude I might have shown was when a cockroach appeared in my life. I would immediately scream throughout the dorms, "WHO IS FROM THE BRONX?" and someone would run out and say "ME!" and I would hand them a newspaper and ask them to go kill the roach. You know what? They ALWAYS killed it (even if they whacked me with the newspaper first). I love the Bronx. And I love anyone who grew up there!
So, back to whatever the heck I was talking about. Hmmm...Bronx, cockroaches, food, college! I was talking about college. I entered Pace thinking I could never survive one semester there, and I probably didn't realize how wrong I was until I graduated. Each semester, after finishing all my exams and handing in all my papers ON TIME (a first for me, teachers in HS always let me hand them in up to a month late), I would go out to the local deli with Brenda (my roommate for those who don't know) and get two big big cans of Foster's beer. Then we would drink them through a straw. That's two each, not one. Small Foster's cans never taste as good as the big ones. It was a quiet celebration and recognition of another freaking awesome few months.
So, needless to say, Deryck, who travels all over the world for the UN to help other people have fair democratic elections, skewered me with wanting me to at least give it a go for the troops from Pace. How cruel of him. He somehow knows that my life blossomed due to the entire experience at Pace. And he knows I owe Pace, NYC, and my long list of friends from college at least a true effort.
I told Deryck that I would think about all this tonight at the sleep center. And I got my little bag packed, with a snack and caffeine free diet coke, a good book, jammies and a bottle of water. I drove up to Seattle and got there early, so I decided to sit in the empty sleep clinic. Sitting there, enjoying that I was going to have a night of reading with no interuptions and no thoughts of writing, a guy came in and asked me if I was there for the sleep clinic. I said yes, although I pointed out I was 30 minutes early and he could wait to check me in. This guy was super smart. He asked my name, I gave it to him. And he said he did not have me listed for that night.
So.....instead of freaking out, I went up to the counter, reluctantly put away my book, and got out my papers. I said, "OH, you're right. I am supposed to be here in 2 weeks!" He was so happy. And I drove home. It occured to me that somehow this was not working to my advantage. I gave up my narcolepsy meds for 2 weeks, thus driving my poor sweet husband insane, and now I will have to go another 2 weeks. Then I thought about not reading my book and figured it was a sign that I need to at the very least start my blog again.
So here it is. From your buddy who at times is so intelligent, and at times is the Village Idiot. But either way, I am having a ball!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Luke
I am sure you all know about dog farts. Or at least most of you do. But my dog Luke has the most disgusting, offensive farts of any dog or beast that walks the Earth. You are sitting there and suddenly you are ambushed, a FOG of stench so repulsive has surrounded you. And you cannot get rid of it, it clings to you, to the air, to everything. You cannot walk away, it will follow you and repulse you for at least half an hour.
Luke's farts are more like a plague. Kind of like swine flu. Eveyone is fine and happy, and suddenly people are dropping dead all over the place. I remember swine flu when I was a kid, and it was killing tons of people, and the lines for the swine flu shot were miles long even though the shot could kill you. My parents took it seriously after it didn't disappear after a few weeks, and one day we all got in the car and drove over to city hall where they were giving swine flu shots. We drove by and my dad asked if we should get on line (he hated lines so we went to six flags on weekdays that it rained and left at 6am for the beach and joined a private ski resort so we did not have to wait on lines). My dad reminded us we could die. I was insanely afriad of needles of any kind back then, so I immediately suggested we wait another week to see what happened. My father immediately agreed and we went home.
I will never know if he was worried about his children dying or if he just didn't want to wait on line for it. I like to think he didn't want anything bad to happen to us due to a panic over a disease, but I can't be sure, ever. Either way, it doesn't really matter much. I didn't have to suffer the painful, death causing shot. And I am still thankful!
Luke's farts are more like a plague. Kind of like swine flu. Eveyone is fine and happy, and suddenly people are dropping dead all over the place. I remember swine flu when I was a kid, and it was killing tons of people, and the lines for the swine flu shot were miles long even though the shot could kill you. My parents took it seriously after it didn't disappear after a few weeks, and one day we all got in the car and drove over to city hall where they were giving swine flu shots. We drove by and my dad asked if we should get on line (he hated lines so we went to six flags on weekdays that it rained and left at 6am for the beach and joined a private ski resort so we did not have to wait on lines). My dad reminded us we could die. I was insanely afriad of needles of any kind back then, so I immediately suggested we wait another week to see what happened. My father immediately agreed and we went home.
I will never know if he was worried about his children dying or if he just didn't want to wait on line for it. I like to think he didn't want anything bad to happen to us due to a panic over a disease, but I can't be sure, ever. Either way, it doesn't really matter much. I didn't have to suffer the painful, death causing shot. And I am still thankful!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Saturday Night Live
Tonight I am watching Saturday Night Live for the first time in maybe 15 years. A long time, maybe longer. I saw a really sad thing tonight on SNL. They are desperately trying to cling to the political mania created by the presidential election. And it's really sad and pathetic. The people at SNL should be the first to recognize the loss of a popular topic and move on. It is much more humorous to me when they are imitating a candidate over an actual president.
I did see The Rock (he has a real name but I do not know what it is) do the BEST hot dance with women and chairs that I have ever seen. I loved it. Now I realize that I must be getting on in age since that entertains me very much.
Cookie sales time right now, love it and hate it simultaneously. But I so love the leaders and the girls. They are worth it most of the time.
I did see The Rock (he has a real name but I do not know what it is) do the BEST hot dance with women and chairs that I have ever seen. I loved it. Now I realize that I must be getting on in age since that entertains me very much.
Cookie sales time right now, love it and hate it simultaneously. But I so love the leaders and the girls. They are worth it most of the time.
Friday, February 27, 2009
wretched
sometimes i am really wretched. sometimes i am really really nice. i wonder some days if people think the really nice days are just a show, and the really mean days are the only me. those are the ones who have no clue. i enjoy being really nice much more than anything. it gives me a pure, positive feeling that I so enjoy. I'm no movie star, but i can make a difference in anyone's life by making an effort to be nice and helpful.
I also admit that the high of verbally slamming someone is a great appreciation in my life. But the difference is that I don't do it unless I feel the other person is being really mean and unfair. They always seem so shocked, to be counted among the heartless, the mean, the self centered. I laugh at that. They never have a clue. I have to admit that I despise people like that. I also have to admit that I thoroughly enjoy helping my friends, family and neighborhood.
I do wish people would leave their "health clubs" and country clubs and put their energy and physical efforts into the neighborhood. They might find they like the people they ignore.
I also admit that the high of verbally slamming someone is a great appreciation in my life. But the difference is that I don't do it unless I feel the other person is being really mean and unfair. They always seem so shocked, to be counted among the heartless, the mean, the self centered. I laugh at that. They never have a clue. I have to admit that I despise people like that. I also have to admit that I thoroughly enjoy helping my friends, family and neighborhood.
I do wish people would leave their "health clubs" and country clubs and put their energy and physical efforts into the neighborhood. They might find they like the people they ignore.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
what's really important
Today Newsweek magazine proclaimed that we are all socialists and will basically be France one day soon. I was horrified. Not because of what Newsweek said, but because when I woke up this morning and opened the fridge to make my Puerto Rican coffee, there was NO milk. Not a drop. How can something so devastating happen to me? WHY ME? My God, I would so rather have Tanya Harding bash my knee than not have my 60 minutes of Puerto Rican coffee savoring every morning. I had to brace myself and get the kids ready for school, knowing I was not going to get my special moring treat to myself for being a lazy mother of school children who basically does nothing but cannot function without her cafe con leche.
It took me a while to realize that my dear sweet hubby had poured milk into a thermos and discovered it was bad (he drinks 1%, I drink skim, which people out here eloquently call "non fat") and left it out on the counter to stink up the house. So, I went and got myself milk today just to make sure I can have my coffee in the morning. If it's gone, I will go insane. I cannot be expected to last 2 days without my coffee without my Girl Scout buddies around to keep me laughing so coffee seems insignificant.
Oh yeah, France. As Jane and Joanna would say, Gimme the Gun!
It took me a while to realize that my dear sweet hubby had poured milk into a thermos and discovered it was bad (he drinks 1%, I drink skim, which people out here eloquently call "non fat") and left it out on the counter to stink up the house. So, I went and got myself milk today just to make sure I can have my coffee in the morning. If it's gone, I will go insane. I cannot be expected to last 2 days without my coffee without my Girl Scout buddies around to keep me laughing so coffee seems insignificant.
Oh yeah, France. As Jane and Joanna would say, Gimme the Gun!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Yertle the Turtle
My daughter is Yertle the Turtle. This information was broken to me today, just a few minutes ago, actually. She is in a school play, Seussical the Musical, and she is a Who. Today, they told her she was also Yertle the Turtle, due to her stick-to-it-idness. She is very excited. I am trying to remember what the heck Yertle did in the book and just have this vague image of a turtle in a tree. So now I have to go find the book and read it. Although my daughter tells me the show has nothing to do with the books. Go figure. At least it's rated G.
I love her crazy ass attitude and hair. She's so wild, yet so innocent, just like I was. People don't get how you can be both, but she really is, and so was I.
Now I have to wait weeks until the darn show. Then I'll probably go to all 6 performances. Maybe I can stand in for Horton or something by the end.
I love her crazy ass attitude and hair. She's so wild, yet so innocent, just like I was. People don't get how you can be both, but she really is, and so was I.
Now I have to wait weeks until the darn show. Then I'll probably go to all 6 performances. Maybe I can stand in for Horton or something by the end.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Help me
I am terrified of my daughter. She is normally the sweetest most loving child on the planet, but today she mutated into a strange scary creature. Right before my eyes.
Chloe is 11, almost 12. A few weeks ago she told me that she would like to try out for the school musical, and wanted to know if that was okay with me. Of course it was! So she signed up, got a piece to read for audition, and I didn't hear of it again. So the night before the first audition, I asked her if she had practiced. She had. She recited this long piece with enthusiasm and I was very impressed. She got a callback. Then she was given a small part. (After all, she explained to John, this is her FIRST Broadway Play, she doesn't want to get in over her head.)
So, practice most of this week, and today is Saturday. No school. So she is dancing her heart out, and singing too. She told Guy she could not play with him as she had to practice. She seemed upset that she could not remember every single dance move yet. I pointed out to her that the play was not until March, and she had plenty of time to learn it all and not to worry about it.
That was the precise moment my child morphed into a psychopathic lunatic. I was advised that 6 weeks is NOT enough time to truly prepare for a play and it takes one full hour to memorize one minute of dance. She pointed out that she would have to suffer the WRATH of someone named Stephanie if she didn't remember the dance steps. (Chloe just looked over my shoulder and told me I had BETTER not be emailing Stephanie about her not remembering a step, I assured her I was just emailing grandma about it - Yikes).
She's taking this all very seriously. And I am scared. Very, very scared. 6 weeks to go. I must keep my mouth shut at all times.
Help me.
Chloe is 11, almost 12. A few weeks ago she told me that she would like to try out for the school musical, and wanted to know if that was okay with me. Of course it was! So she signed up, got a piece to read for audition, and I didn't hear of it again. So the night before the first audition, I asked her if she had practiced. She had. She recited this long piece with enthusiasm and I was very impressed. She got a callback. Then she was given a small part. (After all, she explained to John, this is her FIRST Broadway Play, she doesn't want to get in over her head.)
So, practice most of this week, and today is Saturday. No school. So she is dancing her heart out, and singing too. She told Guy she could not play with him as she had to practice. She seemed upset that she could not remember every single dance move yet. I pointed out to her that the play was not until March, and she had plenty of time to learn it all and not to worry about it.
That was the precise moment my child morphed into a psychopathic lunatic. I was advised that 6 weeks is NOT enough time to truly prepare for a play and it takes one full hour to memorize one minute of dance. She pointed out that she would have to suffer the WRATH of someone named Stephanie if she didn't remember the dance steps. (Chloe just looked over my shoulder and told me I had BETTER not be emailing Stephanie about her not remembering a step, I assured her I was just emailing grandma about it - Yikes).
She's taking this all very seriously. And I am scared. Very, very scared. 6 weeks to go. I must keep my mouth shut at all times.
Help me.
Friday, January 16, 2009
flushed away
Last night I flushed the toilet and decided to scoop up the dirty laundry that my husband and I leave on the floor in front of the shower door. Much to my horror, a sock popped up and went directly into the spinning tornado of water. I attempted to grab it before it was sucked into oblivion, but alas, it was not my day to save the sock. So I scream like a banshee who sees a really big bug and my husband assumes the cat brought a mouse inside. When he comes in (no rush there, I could have been dead by the time he arrived), that sock was gone gone gone. So, I left him to figure out what to do, he's the man, he gets to deal with pipe issues. I think I poured myself a glass of wine immediately upon dumping what was left of the traumatized laundry down the shute.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
True Love
I am in love with my walls. After a painstakingly long time of scraping popcorn off the ceilings of my soon to be bedroom, after deciding to texturize the ceiling so the flaws would not show and taking ages to do that (it's like painting glue and sand on the ceiling), and finally painting the ceiling white twice to cover the sand color, I finally started painting my walls with color this week. And today, I fell in love with the walls. I painted the upper portion a tan-gold color, which alone is kind of ugly, but then painted the lower portion with a hot chocolatey-color brown, and then after it dried, I sat on a chair and stared at it all. It looks fantastic. The brown makes the tan-gold pop, the entire combination makes me feel all warm like I am sitting at camp in front of a fire with a hot drink in my hands. I am going to love sleeping in my room.
My husband says color will not affect him at all. He likes white walls. I think he will love it when it's done. Especially because it will be hard to get me out of the bedroom at all!!!
My husband says color will not affect him at all. He likes white walls. I think he will love it when it's done. Especially because it will be hard to get me out of the bedroom at all!!!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Great Big Moose
I have a moose problem, I think. My husband had a moose theme going on in his house before I dated him and married him. Moose rug, moose blanket, moose shower curtain, moose cookie jar, moose plates....it doesn't end with those items, but you get the main idea.
So, I was informed ages ago by my dear friends ( I am not being sarcastic here, they really are dear friends) that I needed to make the house my own. Ok, we have white walls. To me, yes, boring. To my husband, white is normal and he likes it. So I made our new family room yellow and blue and I think there are days he can barely handle the stimulation. BUT, he really loves (I think) having all his beer steins and fire plaques and sports plaques all in one room. Not to mention the pool table and big screen TV. Is it SO his room, except for the yellow walls and the fact that I hold my scout meetings in there.
But I have to say, I really like the fireman theme, and I really like the moose theme. Maybe I would not have chosen it had I started from scratch, but the moose is part of my husband and a part of my girl scout friends out here (ask me any day and I will film me doing the Moose song and email it to you, but do not be surprised if you commit hari kari after you see it). So, the moose, from Bullwinkle in my childhood to the moose song today to my husband's rug, shower curtian, etc. is what I focus on as the big strong positive part of life. The fun part. The moose is one big, bad ass, cool, and smart animal and I want to safely see one in the wild. Or a park. As long as it's alive, it would be very cool.
There is no greater image for me of Western Washington than the Moose. The most amazing animal in some ways, so huge, so stunning, so noble, and can beat the crap out of you at any moment. All in the great green tree environment. Just like my man. Except he doesn't beat me, he just teases me to the point of annoyance at times. But all in good fun. Great Big Moose.
So, I was informed ages ago by my dear friends ( I am not being sarcastic here, they really are dear friends) that I needed to make the house my own. Ok, we have white walls. To me, yes, boring. To my husband, white is normal and he likes it. So I made our new family room yellow and blue and I think there are days he can barely handle the stimulation. BUT, he really loves (I think) having all his beer steins and fire plaques and sports plaques all in one room. Not to mention the pool table and big screen TV. Is it SO his room, except for the yellow walls and the fact that I hold my scout meetings in there.
But I have to say, I really like the fireman theme, and I really like the moose theme. Maybe I would not have chosen it had I started from scratch, but the moose is part of my husband and a part of my girl scout friends out here (ask me any day and I will film me doing the Moose song and email it to you, but do not be surprised if you commit hari kari after you see it). So, the moose, from Bullwinkle in my childhood to the moose song today to my husband's rug, shower curtian, etc. is what I focus on as the big strong positive part of life. The fun part. The moose is one big, bad ass, cool, and smart animal and I want to safely see one in the wild. Or a park. As long as it's alive, it would be very cool.
There is no greater image for me of Western Washington than the Moose. The most amazing animal in some ways, so huge, so stunning, so noble, and can beat the crap out of you at any moment. All in the great green tree environment. Just like my man. Except he doesn't beat me, he just teases me to the point of annoyance at times. But all in good fun. Great Big Moose.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Cruel but Fitting
As I reflect on 2008, I can say we had a great year:
Black people are happy; Obama was elected.
White people are happy, OJ is in jail.
Democrats are happy: George Bush is leaving office.
Republicans are happy: Democrats will finally quit saying George Bush stole the election.
And all of us are so happy; The election is finally over! I think 2009 will be even better: Immediately after his inauguration, Obama will balance the budget, revive the economy, solve the real estate problem, solve the auto industry problem, solve our gas/alternative energy problem, stop the fires and mudslides in California, ban hurricanes and tornadoes, stop identity theft, reverse global warming, find Osama, solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, get rid of corruption in government and achieve world peace . Then on the 7th day, He will rest.
My best wishes for 2009.............and remember:
"The government cannot give to anyone anything that it does not first take from someone else."
Black people are happy; Obama was elected.
White people are happy, OJ is in jail.
Democrats are happy: George Bush is leaving office.
Republicans are happy: Democrats will finally quit saying George Bush stole the election.
And all of us are so happy; The election is finally over! I think 2009 will be even better: Immediately after his inauguration, Obama will balance the budget, revive the economy, solve the real estate problem, solve the auto industry problem, solve our gas/alternative energy problem, stop the fires and mudslides in California, ban hurricanes and tornadoes, stop identity theft, reverse global warming, find Osama, solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, get rid of corruption in government and achieve world peace . Then on the 7th day, He will rest.
My best wishes for 2009.............and remember:
"The government cannot give to anyone anything that it does not first take from someone else."
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